A Tale of Two Gyeongju's (Part 1)

[This article was written shortly after a trip I took on April 10, 2010.  It is presented in its full, unedited form.]

Gyeongju: The Heart of the Shilla Dynasty.  As secure and efficient as offshore drilling, as unfaultering as the English National soccer team.

And like the checkered past of famed actress/lump Lindsey Lohan, there's nothing but bright skies and high hopes for its future.

Wasting one's hotness is a crime punishable in 48 states (N/A in North Dakota and Wyoming).  Especially when there are ugly kids starving for attention in China and you waste your talent on a trailer park bleach job and day-old eyeliner from Revlon's Meth-head collection.

If one were to Google "Korea," for say, stock images of cultural-looking things for a blog that one is too lazy to upload one's own pictures for, one would inevitably be met with photos of ancient temples, bulging green burial mounds, and the occasional undisturbed mountain grove.  And odds are, despite how they may be labelled on such blogs, each of these pictures was taken in Gyeongju, "the museum without walls."  Gyeongju acquired this nickname not only because its national heritage museum was blown up during the Japanese invasion, but also because it has more historical sites and cultural treasures than anywhere else in the country.  Among these priceless sites are the Seokguram Grotto, a manmade hermitage carved and constructed so perfectly that it is believed by many historians to have been designed by the same aliens that built the pyramids, and Bulguksa Temple, arguably the most famous and beautiful temple in all of Korea.

Now I didn't get around to seeing either of these particular timeless artifacts on my first trip to Gyeongju, nor did I have the time to swing by them on round two (coming soon).  But from what I've heard, they're pretty cool.  So you know definitely check them out if you're in Korea.  And take pictures.

Like this one.  Thumbs up optional (if you're a narc).

This particular Saturday in April was a special day in the Land of the Morning Calm as it was the official kick-off of cherry blossom season, a memorable and magical time of year for amateur botanists and crazy park hobos alike.

 Cherry blossom trees, or "beotkkot" in Korean, appear for only a few short weeks in early spring, attracting visitors from all around the block, and beyond.  Contradicitory to its name, the tree's flowers are actually white, not red (welcome to Obama's America..) but the contrast of the dark branches against the light petals create a certain pop of cherry red, or as I like to call it, the cherry popping effect.

That tree just got re-flowered.  Nice...

While historically thought to be native to Japan, cherry blossoms in Korea are believed by many locals to have originated in Jeju Island to the south of the mainland, thus making them a distinct variety.  According to an article I didn't finish reading, experts on both sides of the debate have come forward to present their evidence.  For more information on this topic, consult the internet.

What day of flower-gazing, park-strolling, and heterosexuality-contemplating would be complete without a few hours of kite flying?  And when you go kite flying, you go big (and beautiful and proud) or you go home.

The local kite stand offered only two models, the flamboyant rainbow-feathered bird,

and Lady GaGa's penis.

Also we saw a good deal of these things that I playfully referred to as Mother Nature's Boobs.

Turns out they were 2,000 year-old burial mound for royalty from the Shilla Dynasty.  This is why people hate Americans; we're always coming up with better names for their national treasures.