Party Like It's 1999 (B.C.)

Korea's cultural history is as long and rich as Rain's auburn locks.

It's okay, this Rain's safe to drink...

Most historians place the beginning of the Gojoseon Dynasty, Korea's oldest dynasty, at around 2333 B.C. This means that the nation as a whole has a unique cultural identity that is over 4,000 years old, or roughly 20x longer than that of the United States. Then again in all that time, they never had the entertainment foresight to put eight orange meatheads in a beach house and broadcast their lives so that the rest of the country could mock how blissfully stupid and orange they are.

(And if that's not entertaining enough for you, wait five years until bets start being taken on which killer finally brings this pony show to a close: melanoma, chlamydia, or hepatitis C. My money's on Snookie bagging the Triple Crown.)

...another two minutes of my life wasted on that show.

This past weekend I had the privilege of witnessing a display of Korea's creativity and cultural heritage in the form of a celebratory parade in Jeonju. Jeonju, a small city about three hours south of Seoul, is well-known for preserving the country's traditional feel, albeit in a Colonial Williamsburg sort of fashion. I tried asking some bystanders what the cause for celebration was, but due to my limited Korean I was only able to get as far as "Anyong-haseyo" (Hello), "Gamsa-hamnida" (Thank you), and "Yi-yakeun-jegeosi-ani-eyo" (Those drugs aren't mine).

It started out, almost spontaneously it seemed, with some festive folk music music and dancing.

But before long--call it Manifest Destiny--the Americans arrived and started stealing the show, with a little help from the Coalition of the Willing. Willing to Get Down!

(Note: The ceremonial camera drop is a 21st century addition.)

And as is the case whenever America brashly enters a foreign country and imposes its will on the native population, it ended in a big party!

No exit strategy needed.