Ahh ATVs: the chariot of the lower-middle class. For those days when a roomy sedan, a paved highway, and a comfortable yet efficient speed just aren't in the cards, you can always count on an ATV to propell you at 5mph through terrain that looks like Swamp Thing's diarrhea.
And if you're a really cool guy you can stand up while driving and impress all of your friends. (How do you think I took that awesome picture of people's backs?)
WARNING: Do not attempt to stand up on ATV unless you are 100% positive that you are a cool guy. I was only 95% sure, and I ended up with a three-inch gash on my leg when a rogue tree root nearly upended my vehicle. Pregnant women and people with heart conditions should never attempt to stand up on an ATV, as they are by definition not cool.
You must be at least this cool to stand up on an ATV.
Shortly after returning from the trails, I did this:
Two points of fault must be addressed here:
1. I did not in fact bungee jump horizontally, nor did I start in mid-air. Although I have full faith in the Korean governement's ability to develop a gravity-shifting device capable of warping time-space for the benefit of extreme sporting (they have refrigerators that tell you when you're low on eggs!!) I went down the old-fashioned way. This time.
2. As is required by law of all white American males engaging in bugee jumping, I yelled out "Do the Dew!" while leaping from the platform. I'm so proud of fulfilling my obligation that this event has made it onto my Top 5 Proudest Moments of My Life list, surplanting "That time I made eye contact with Bob Dylan at the concert" from the #5 spot, and falling right behind "Getting 2nd Place in the Saved by the Bell Trivia Contest in college."
I wish I could have gotten actual footage of my exteme exclamation, but my cameraman forgot to put his professionalism pants on that day. In retrospect I probably should have heeded the advice my grandmother gave me at my First Communion: "Never give your camera to a Canadian."
Rounding out the day was a nice leisurely rafting trip down a Level 2 whitewater course. Rivers are ranked on a scale of 1-5 based on their difficulty, with Level 5's recommended only for professionals. I'm so extreme that I exclusively run Level 8 courses, which involve rafting off a 200-foot waterfall, but I figured today I could make an exception, since others could clearly benefit from my navigation expertise:
"Hey guys let's rock the boat, it'll be so fun!"
...The End.
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