The Bar Skank of Korea: A Play in Three Acts

Cast

Greg as GEORGE MUGIN
The City of Busan as HERSELF
Venessa Redgrave as Octie, the Enchanted Talking Octopus

Act I

Scene 1

[Yeongcheon, small town in Korea.  Elementary school interior, teacher's room, Friday afternoon.  Outside a light spring rain waters the dirt on the children's playground (because Koreans don't believe in grass).  George sits at his computer, looking dejected.]

GEORGE:  Oh I am dejected!  Dejected am I!  What is a poor, handsome teacher to do when the spark of elementary school education has been smothered by the harsh realities of elementary school education?

[Looks at his watch.]

I guess I'll just kill myself.  Like noble Brutus of ancient times or that kinky guy from the 1-800-COLLECT commercials, I shall take my own life to spare that which is most precious in this world, dignity.  Now to find appropriate ladies' undergarments in which to fondle myself to death.

[Begins clicking and typing furiously at his computer.]

White lace be damned!  Can't a man meet his Maker in a black silk camisole to establish ambiance for the event?

[Pauses at an advertisement.  Reads out-loud.]  Life got you down?  Need a break from your everyday routine?

Fates alive!  It's as if they've crawled into my brain, spent an evening having a conversation with my soul beside a warm fire, then invited my heart over for a three-way.  I go on!

[Continues reading.]  ...Come visit Busan and leave your troubles behind!  Beaches, bars, and bright skies await you!

My word, what skilled author penned this poetry?  Dante himself could not articulate such beauty!  Surely he has shot Cupid's arrow of whimsy straight into my very core.

[Stands]

I shall leave my mundane workstation behind me and meet this fair Busan.  Perhaps her delicate visage alone will be enough to restore harmony amongst my four humors.

[Exits the building.  Walks quickly across the parking lot and mounts his bike.]

Ride now, faithful Oberon!  Make haste, for we set sail not only for romance, and adventure, but for destiny!
As I await Busan, so too does she await me with wild anticipation.
Onward now, onward!  Bravely we ride to the Yeongcheon train station!

[End Act I]